I am putting my foot down about Autumn. I refuse to let another one go by and come early December pine for the Fall that I lost. I’ll sigh and move on, quickly distracting myself with the pine that’s sure to be decorating my living room.
Fall is probably my favorite season. I’m always amazed at how dying leaves can look so beautiful. There’s probably a good metaphor in that- I’ll let you think about it and let me know what it is. This year I have a list of events and places I would like to check off. A “Music Under the Stars” at Lakeview Park in Lorain, a successful hiking/picnic trip to Mohican when the leaves are perfect, a tour of the Reformatory, Mitchell’s Kid’s Day, the Pow-Wow at Mohican Reservation, the Fair- yes, the dirty old Fair, and I’m sure there’s a few other events that I haven’t heard of yet that I’d like to check out. I don’t feel like it’s a list that’s out in left field. It sounds pretty do-able.
So as we approach the new season with these activities in mind, Jason’s new job and a new short-term plan ahead of us, at the ripe old age of twenty-eight I’m slowly learning that life is basically a one step forward/two steps back kind of life. Call it character building, call it letting go and letting God, or just plain call it “life”- whatever you call it, I don’t think I’ve ever experienced as much of it as I have the past two years. I have to be cautious as I learn how somethings “really are” and when I see the behind the scenes of things that it doesn’t totally crush my spirit or my faith in humanity. In addition to that, when things don’t go my way I can easily turn bitter, angry and become a quick victim. I turn to comparisons- I easily fall into “that’s not fair” mode. Sometimes life just sucks!
But I can’t stay in that world for long and I’m blessed beyond measure to have a husband that reminds me of all the good in the world and all the good in our lives. I hope I do the same for him when he’s down about something. And not in a “just be thankful for what you have” or a “it could be a lot worse!” kind of way. We all need to vent about stuff sometimes but we can’t stay there. While it take five seconds for Miles to destroy something, it takes two seconds for him to say something to make me laugh. It takes Clemmie no time at all to obliterate a diaper and a onesie at the same time, and even less time to demand she be picked up before her eyes bulge out of her head, but the moment she sees or hears something that strikes her as funny and lets out that cooing, gurgely baby laugh- nothing else really truly matters.
As I wait and look forward to “one day when…” I am amazed at how quickly time does pass. And so, I’m glad that I’ve journaled since the 6th grade, kept record of family stories, photos, memories; and now keeping this blog- which has kind of taken the place of my journaling. I’m discerning though. I like to keep it real, but I’m no fool. (Some might disagree!) I try to keep these PF (Public Friendly). Type and delete, people- type and delete. It makes me feel better just writing about a situation whether I feel that I should post it or not! I think that’s what writing is all about. You don’t have to be great at it. It’s free and it can be therapeutic! That’s what art and blogging has been for me lately.
I will leave you with a few Miles stories- I guess they are for me, too, so I can remember when I forget how things were.
It’s morning, and I give the straw-top boy a cup of milk to drink with breakfast. And by breakfast I mean a few frosted mini-wheats in a bowl at the coffee table accompanied by a strawberry fruit bar and maybe some grapes or a banana.
“Milk will make me big and strong- and then I can drive!”
Lately there has been an obsession with trying to climb up into the driver’s seat of our Edge and promptly throwing a fit that he has to get back in his car seat before we go anywhere. “But I WANT to DRIVE!”
“You are THREE! You can drive in thirteen more years, get in your seat now so I can buckle you up- turn around! Sit! THANK you!”
That’s usually the scenario every other car ride. 🙂
All four of us in our bed, trying to wake up on the weekend morning- Miles always wanting to “cuddle” with Clementine. I see it as potential unintentional smothering, so I stay at my post and supervise.
“I love you so much Clementine!”
“Aww that’s nice Miles. Who else do you love!?” Hint, hint. Nudge, nudge. He’ll say “mommy and daddy” next.
“Ummm, I love Clementine, Baby Dylan, Baby Olive, Uncle Jim annnnndddd TV!”
Wow, didn’t even make the top five.
Miles found his favorite flashlight again, buried under all the underused toys in his toy chest.
“Do you want to take that with your to your room while you nap?”
We head upstairs, do the obligatory last potty before nap, make sure his music is playing in the CD player, the lamp is off, his little Christmas tree is on, he has his remote for his moon and all of his “friends” are with him in bed. (I won’t name all 15 or so of them!) And now, his trusty flashlight by his side, once again. We exchange smooches, I say “See you in a little bit. Get some rest”, and he points the flashlight at me and says:
“Mommy, I flashed you!”
Ah, the innocence of age three. 🙂