Orchestrating More Than We Can Imagine

I’m tired.

I know that it’s not unheard of for a mom to be tired, but I still feel like a bad one sometimes. I wish I had the energy right now to do lots of activities with Miles, most of which would require more baths. I’m blessed to have a husband that helps with and does most of the laundry, dishes, cleaning up. I’m unmotivated to exercise, and have little time to do so. Taking walks with the family occasionally is about all the exercise I’m committed to right now. I go to yoga class when I can. I think a lot of it has to do with the stress of all the unknowns in our life still and on top of that I’ve had an annoying amount of minor health issues lately. I’m so thankful none are serious, but they are distractions that get me in an irritable mood and suck the energy from my body. I’m sick of doctor’s offices, prescriptions and driving. Hopefully that’s over now and I can focus on my kids more, and all the next steps we need to take for our future. Future. A cloudy one, indeed.

All we know for sure is that there are enough funds available that Jason will start school in DC, but not until January 2013.

Jason’s job ends here at the end of July. Thus creating a five month gap of ______?______ (fill in the blank).

Our house is still for sale.

Money is tight.

We have applied for a number of jobs (mostly Jason and mostly in the DC area). I’m hoping to find a part-time or telecommuting job so I can stay with the kids. Or, just beef up my freelance clients so I have more regular jobs coming in. (Easier said than done.) Babysitting would be another option as well.

One job for Jason in particular we are really hoping he gets. It involves campus ministry at Georgetown University.

We have good connections when it comes to finding a place to live in DC (family and friends) once we find a source of income to move there sooner than when school starts. It would be nice to get acclimated to the area before Jason starts full time school and full time job all at once.

I’ve been working on more freelance jobs. I go to bed very late.

That’s about all we know.

I wish we knew more details! But, while I’m listing things, let me take a moment to list the things I’ve either learned or have been hearing from the Lord lately.

We have been doing all we can do, now it’s God’s turn to make things happen. A good friend used the word “orchestrate”. I love that. We’ve taken the first steps and obeyed the direction we’ve felt Him call us to, now He will orchestrate the rest and we need to trust that He’s going to do that. We’ve stepped out in faith- as crazy and irresponsible as it seems and feels even to us at times- and now we have to rest in the knowledge that He’s going to work it out for our good. It hasn’t been the way we envisioned it yet, so I think I’m getting it through my thick skull that the rest of this story probably won’t go as I envisioned either. It’s stretching Jason and I and it doesn’t always bring out our best sides, but I think it’s also brought us closer together. I would say we’ve never bickered as much since our first year of marriage, but we’ve also never have prayed together as much either. Normally, when there are constant roadblocks and problems that arise in life, we’ve decided that route isn’t the way to go, etc. But with this situation, for some reason, every hurdle we come to, our resolve becomes stronger. I feel like things are being thrown at us right and left to distract us and bring doubt to our minds, and sometimes it starts to work. But then one of us comes to our senses and reminds the other what the goal is, or some God-send comes along to encourage us, and we are back on track.

Basically God’s been telling me “I see you. I got this. You don’t need to worry. I love you. I love your family. I want to do a lot of things through your family. This stuff you’re stressing about is going to happen at the last minute, so just hang in there.” I’ve been hearing that in my heart and through others. And lastly I keep going back to Ephesians 3. I had a dream where I heard “read Ephesians”, so when I woke up I re-familiarized myself with it and the third chapter stuck out to me most. Especially the prayer for the Ephesians:

16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge —that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”

*Photos by Aemee Ellis 🙂

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4 thoughts on “Orchestrating More Than We Can Imagine

    • allisonraebarnhart says:

      Thanks, Colleen! It’s great to have a network of friendly faces nearby when big change is happening!:)

  1. jenn baker says:

    hey, sweet lady. we should talk again. soon. our stories sound so similar. the struggles of your heart are familiar to mine. it IS such a leap of faith – this journey ahead. and your’e right. so many obstacles … some even coming from family members or friends – blatantly, sometimes more passive-aggressively. and, to many, what we are venturing on just doesn’t make sense – how could it?? sometimes – well, heck – a LOT of times 😉 this just doesn’t make sense to me either. but, we have FAITH. BELIEVING that GOD has called us to this and HE will set all things in motion according to HIS will and His purposes for us. it is so hard. i would say we are a tad crazy for believing in the bigger dreams the Lord has for us – we have to be, right? 😉 and, especially in the middle of raising a young family. but. i tell you the truth. right now. i have no regrets … it has been so good for our family – so hard. but, so good. and that growing hurts sometimes, but in a good way … as in, i know He is pruning away the yuck stuff in order to get to the good stuff. the stuff i’m really made of, just don’t know or believe it yet. oh, friend. i hear your heart. i want you to know that i am in this with you!! i wish we could yak over a cup of coffee right now. but, let’s talk soon? much love to you and your sweet fam, jenn

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