The Good, The Bad and The Still Pending

Of all the things we are waiting for, some of them have been showing themselves. No, for those of you worried about him, it’s not George. George has not met his death yet. We are still waiting on our little fishy friend to accept his fate and let go.

The best of the waiting list came to us on Leap Day. I went into labor early morning and we were at Medina General by 8am. It went nothing like my experience in giving birth to Miles, but, it was also during the day so I think I remember more than when I had him at 2:43am over two years ago! It was much more painful- okay I had little pain with Miles- it was shockingly painful to deliver Clementine. But I did it, and I lived. And a week later, I finally kind of feel human again. She arrived on the scene at 1:50pm and weighed 9 pounds, 6 ounces, 20″ long. We were in disbelief. I thought she’d be big, but maybe slightly bigger than her 8lb 1oz brother at his birth- but not nearing nine and a half pounds! Even the nurses couldn’t get over it. And the placenta!!! Okay, I’ll stop there for you squeemish types.

She was perfect. But we’re obviously biased. She wanted to eat right away and it was such a relief that everything kind of rushed back to me- like riding a bike. As much as I love having a little boy, I was afraid I wouldn’t like having a girl as much. I was wrong. It’s equally as lovely. Though there are some things I will miss about being pregnant, I am so glad I can see my ankles again, I can bend more freely, and best yet, we can see this cute little Clementine that has been kicking the snot out of my ribs and bladder! Miles is great with her, but is still struggling a bit to get attention and can be needy and whiney for me. I’m told this is normal. It’s been a little hard for me, because I really want him to know he’s still my baby too, I never want him to feel 2nd place. I know time will help those things, and I’m still weepy from hormones anyway.


Monday came, and it had to live up to it’s stereotype. It was a bummer of a day. I had a reaction (common, I later found out) to the whooping cough vaccine I was given in the hospital, but I had totally forgotten they gave it to me. So I thought the red swelling on my arm that got bigger and hotter and hurt like a bad bruise was an infection, and it was like the 10th thing ailing me from just recovering from delivery and I wanted it taken care of. I had 3 strike outs of trying to get in to see someone, but that’s another story. My mom drives me home and Jason checks the mail.

“Marquette.” He says to me. He goes in the kitchen alone, and I get up not knowing what to think the letter could say.

“Rejected. Marquette rejected me.”

I’m not sure if I immediately began to cry- um, yeah, I did immediately begin to cry. Marquette was a school we were really hopeful of, and he had a great shot at it, maybe more so than all the others. It wasn’t just that one school out of four rejected him, it was that we’re thinking, what does this mean for the other three now? This one that we thought was a really good chance said no. So does that mean bad news from the other three as well?

So Jason wanted to know. He emailed the other three schools to ask about his status. Two responded. Baylor said his department’s apps have yet to come back fully, but the initial offers went out, now they are in the process of wait listing and rejecting. UVA said “We’re sorry, but…” You can fill in the blank. But they filled four spots out of 119 applicants for that program. It was a long shot to begin with.

Two down. One on the fence. Then on Wednesday we get a letter from Catholic U in the mail. “Your application is incomplete. You need to turn in the following:” Blank. It was blank. WHAT does he need to turn in!? He got the same letter over a month ago, called and they said oh, our bad, we didn’t print out your references. Sorry. And again!? “You call them right now.” I said. So, he gets on the phone with them and they said, “Hold please.” Holding, holding. “Oh, yes all your things are in, we’ve sent your application in to be reviewed now. It will take up to 4 weeks for us to notify you.” Are you kidding? So because of their error we have to wait another month on that possible rejection or acceptance, when we could be actively searching alternative routes. We don’t want to loose hope about the PhD route yet, but we do need to have a back up plan seeing that two school possibilities are definitely gone, and the other two are shaky.

I’m handling two kids fairly well at this point, especially since Clem just sleeps a ton. Miles is still great at taking an afternoon nap, or if he doesn’t nap, he at least spends two to three hours of rest time in his room. Plus, with her being my second, I was surprised at how much came back to me, and how much more confident and calm I feel with her than I did with Miles at first. It’s a good feeling. I’m also thankful for my family and all the friends who have stopped by, sent cards, food and lots of love and prayers our way. We definitely could use more prayers for direction and encouragement with this school/job stuff. I’m reminded though, of something the Lord spoke in me a while back. That He sees us. Simple, but I will tell you that He sees you too. Wherever you’re at in life, you are worth everything to Him. He wants the best for you and He is so in love with you. And I catch a glimpse of that every time I feel over the moon about my kids. Which, is like, every second of the day. So understanding that His plan for us is still in the works, and that He has never forgotten about us, even when we feel forgotten, is so comforting. He knew about the rejections way back when and even when I felt those words, “I see you.” So now we just keep waiting to see what unfolds in the next few weeks. It feels defeating from time to time, but I know in my gut that whatever we end up doing or wherever we end up going, is not going to undo God’s greater plan for us. He can still use us to love and serve others, and thrive as a new family of four no matter what happens. As John Wayne once said, “Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway.” So we’ll move on, maybe scared, but having courage and trust that there’s no problem or situation too big for the Lord.

Okay thus endeth my corny devotional sermonette. Hey, I’m not the teacher/preacher in the family:) I’ll leave that to the husband I’m so proud and fond of.


3 thoughts on “The Good, The Bad and The Still Pending

  1. Jennifer Hess says:

    Hey Guys,
    Just wanted to say that I’ll be praying for you (I try to remember other new moms when I’m up nursing at night). I’m having a little trouble with Sophia and the attention thing, so I will also be praying for that as well. We’re all in this together! Also, the simple thing that God has been speaking to me this month is that He is hope. So, I will have hope with you over this school thing too!! Sending lots of love and prayers…

    • allisonraebarnhart says:

      Thank you so much. Isn’t it so nice to know we’re all in it together!? And what a great idea, praying for other moms during those night time hours. So simple, but awesome:) I love it. I hope Sophia and Miles both can continue to adjust to their new little siblings in a positive way, and Lord give us strength to make sure they feel involved and always loved!! AMEN!:) lol I’m sure in time both of them will start to come around even more, I didn’t realize how huge of a shock it would be to Miles little world, even though we had talked and talked and read and read to him all about it. It’s hard when you’re 2!

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