The Annoying Dinging of Empty

And another weekend is upon us. I feel either we’ve been forgotten, floating in this purgatory of sorts or that everything is right at the cusp of happening all at once, and my heart and my brain are starting to lose it.

My mantra “Any day now…” for many big things in our life is sounding like crazy talk. And I don’t know whether to gear myself up for celebrating or crying. I know it could be either all celebration or some of both. I am annoyed at myself because I’ve been calm and patient for a LONG time. And now, I forget to breathe. It’s like we’ve been holding one big breath for a couple weeks now, knowing that everything we’re waiting has this very soon, yet unknown date that it will happen. And with the school thing, I was blogging about this very waiting exactly a full year ago. That is the thing we’re getting most anxious about. It’s not the trusting God to do what’s best for us part. It’s the us knowing what exactly that is part. We trust whatever will happen will be for our good, even if it seems like not what we wanted, but honestly, we’re just wanting to be clued in on what that is now. And with all of it getting so close, I think that’s why it seems like the hardest time in the course of the waiting. Because it really is “any day now”. Oh, the agony.

Everyday- actually every time we see each other after a bit of time, Jason will ask me, “Contractions?” “No.” and I will ask him, “Schools?” “No.” And then we groan. If one of the four schools would tell us there decision; if Clementine decided to grace us with her presence a little early, if, if if…it would get our minds off the rest of the list. Maybe then I could gain a little more patience stamina. But as of now, my tank is wavering on empty. And it keeps making that annoying “dinging” noise letting me know it’s on empty. I KNOW! I KNOW! Stop dinging!

Our fish, George, has yet to die. He’s a beta, and decided not to eat right after Christmas time and hasn’t. Since. How is he still alive!? How? Jason said we’ll keep him in fish hospice right there in our fish bowl on the bay window above the sink. Every morning I expect to see him floating upside down. No. We’ve had him for close to 4 years now, and Jason always takes very good care of his fish he’s had. His fish never have a dirty bowl to swim in. And maybe all that love is why George is living on Day 60 without eating. So we wait on George’s passing.

Selling the house is the last thing on our mind at this point, but it’s always lingering in our mind. I feel like it’s not worth getting anxious or stressed out about at this point until these other things reveal themselves.

Jason heard that one of the schools had make the decision to accept only four into his program now. Four. It was going to be eleven. Out of 116 applicants.

All the four schools he’s applied to have to let him know yay, nay or that he’s wait-listed by March 15th. That’s up to 19 more days.

My due date is March 8th. That’s 12 more days. I’ve been 3cm for 2 weeks now, baby has been dropping and I am very uncomfortable. I’ve gained 40 lbs. She is measuring near 8 lbs right now. If there’s 12 more days in my future like this, well, crap.

My birthday is March 1st. That’s 5 more days. I’m going to eat a lot of cake.

Miles has been such a blessing lately. Making us laugh, he doesn’t have a care in the world. He’s excited about little things and cuddling on the couch with me when Mickey Mouse Clubhouse comes on. He loves dancing to fast music. He’s been learning and growing and using all sorts of new words. His sense of humor is quickly developing and we are constantly amused. He is a blessing in all the mind-numbing waiting we’ve been doing.

Maybe George is still floating around to see what happens in all these other areas of our life. Or maybe he’s a freakish mutant Beta fish that will start to grow legs and attack us in our sleep one of these sleep-less nights.

I think Miles sums up our feelings in this picture, here.

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