What Were That Baby’s Parents Thinking!?

When it comes to naming babies, there are many opinions on what are good names and what names should never again see the light of day. I’ve always been a list person, and since I was in grade school I was making lists of names I liked. I had these ceramic dolls that represented my age, and I named them. Not just first name. Middle and last, too. I even named the diaries I kept for a while, so I could say Dear “so and so” in stead of just the overdone “Dear Diary”. I have about 26 diaries, so as you can imagine I stopped naming them at some point in high school and just started numbering them. As the times changed, my list of favorite names changed, but still kept a similar style to them. They were never made up names, and rarely overly popular ones. Some were classic and traditional, others were names I heard and loved off of movies, still others had roots to Scotch-Irish names, some Welsh, some Celtic. The first and middle name always had good rhythm and proper syllable usage (in my set of rules).

I’ve always liked my name. I was named by my dad. Linda Ronstadt did a cover of Elvis Costello’s “Alison” and we all know how he loves Linda. He wanted to add the extra “l” to my name and he and my mom agreed upon the middle name “Rae” which was Scottish and I think they just liked it. I think the flow works well. Allison Rae Lawrentz. Nicknames I had (from my name only, there were other nicknames, but those came from my height, red-hair or personality) were: Al, Ali, Ali Rae, Alice, Allirific, A-Train, Al Pal, Ali-Baba, Aladdin. The only one I hated was Alice. Cause that wasn’t my name. It was Allison. Not too bad. I can’t speak for the many names in my family tree that had already less than desirable names and I can only imagine what nicknames kids came up with for them. I will share 30 tragic ones with you and give my insightful comments in italics: (I left some with their surnames, just to give you a better idea of what the full name sounded like)

Delmar Curtis Clark –makes me think of ‘O Brother Where Art Thou?’.

Richard “Dick” Little England- I know. Now, in their defense, Little was a family name from way back to the Revolution passed down. 

Sybrilla – ew.

Opercella – Did you just make that up?

Vernice – I think “vermin” right away.

A. Dewey Beard-  speaks for itself

Daisy Field Chapman – kind of cute, but lacking creativity. “I looked out the window after giving birth, saw a Daisy field and BAM- named!”

Absolom Dillingham Cullen – for a baby? This person was a baby, right? 

Mystle Daniels- as in the “toe” variety?

California Eldrada England- this was in 1860s so I can see how pop culture of the time would push them this way…

Exton England- you aren’t even trying.

Nonci Mynette Garland- sounds like a stuck up way to pronounce Nancy. Sorry. No good. 

Sophrana Gillespie- first of all, a mouth full. Secondly, I hate it. 

Richard “Poopy” Gardener- ah, the mother of all school boy jokes, ol’ Poopy Dick Gardener. (This would be on Jason’s side, for the record. I have enough crazy names, I don’t need another one on my side!!!)

Eula- ew.

Adolphus Higdon- anything with Aldoph in it is doomed from the start.

Prettyman C. Hoffman – you poor poor little boy. Let’s hope they pronounced it Pretimen at least. Nope. Still doesn’t work.

Sardenia C. Kelley- first thought in my mind? “My dad loves Sardines…ew.”

twins, Buhl & Burl Lawrentz- come ON people!! They are already identical twins, and now NO ONE with remember who is who!!

Flavius Brenton Lawrentz- Latin names are cool. Just not this one.

Oma Gay Lawrentz- the original “OMG”. yikes.

Rildo M. Lawrentz- enough said?

Flournoy Lorentz- first thought: blowing noses. I don’t know why, but it makes me think of that.

Theodosia Lorentz- this is actually kind of interesting. It was from the very early 1800’s. Just a mouthful. And odd. 

Perlina Wines Lowe- not particularly vulgar, I just don’t like it.

Luraney Mitta Morris- WHAT?

Dode C. Rhodes- nice. Rhyming. You did it.

Eramus Rhodes- Again with the weird Latin names. 

Petronella Rinckens- Citronella? or does the Petro prefix mean she can repel gas? 

Manley Scroggs- You’re just setting this kid up to try way to hard to live up to his name. Bad call. 


My apologies if you had your heart set on any of these first, middle or combo names for your future children. But if you name them one of these names, you will probably be the one who will be sorry.


4 thoughts on “What Were That Baby’s Parents Thinking!?

  1. Leah says:

    All seriousness: I was rolling Delmar around in my head last week because I like old men names that get shortened. Clemett to Clem, Silas to Sy, Delmar to Del. I didn’t totally discard it, but I didn’t file it away as a for sure favorite. Don’t worry; you haven’t broken my spirit. 😉

    • allisonraebarnhart says:

      I’m glad:) I think Del is perfectly acceptable. What I didn’t like about the whole package of my great great grandfather’s name was the full Delmar Curtis Clark. It just sounded so backwoods to me. I bet if you still loved Del but weren’t sold on Delmar, there are other Del names that would be old manish too! I love Silas and I love Clem! Try nameberry.com sometime if you haven’t already, it has awesome lists of old names!!

  2. Steve says:

    I know a Delbert. Goes to Southview. Actually had a dream about him the other night. He caught a fish the size of a car out of the ditch along Katherine Avenue. That was the entirety of the dream.

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