Waiting Is Hard. Period.

The suspense is getting greater and greater, at moments, I can’t even stand it. Over a week ago Jason got his first letter back from a school. It was a rejection letter. It was the same day that my doctor scheduled me for a CT scan and blood tests, thinking I had appendicitis. Thankfully it was just symptoms of a virus I had instead. Antibiotics helped quickly. Aside from that, my back had been acting up for 3 months and I finally was going to the chiropractor, since my right leg was perpetually numb, and carrying my 30lb flailing toddler was getting really difficult. How old am I? Sheesh. Our house is on the market, and the pressure is on to sell within 6 months, but we hope sooner, with the reality of losing money. There was some other stuff going on too that I’d rather not get into, but it was a rather stressful depressing week, to be honest.

Even in those moments, though, God reminds us that He doesn’t want us to dwell on the things that don’t seem to go our way, but He still wants to use us to bless others, and use others to bless us. Mostly the latter has happened lately, and we don’t deserve it, but are grateful for it.

Jason’s rejection letter came from Duke Divinity, and it stung. Today, the email came from Duke itself stating the same. He was expecting that answer. Hopeful, but realistically it is just such a difficult school to get accepted into the PhD program he applied for.

Our hopes lie with UVA in Charlottesville, VA and Duquesne in Pittsburgh. We should know in the next two weeks about those two. I’m getting antsy. Having nightmares. Cleaning and cooking and painting like a mad woman. Walls, not canvases, much to my chagrin. And on our 60 degree weather day I got a lot of outside work done I didn’t have time for in the fall.

I have loved, however, watching my son discover the piano at my parents house, and not pound on it, but gently play a few notes at a time, some even in a rhythm and once he found an octave. He was so serious and concentrating so hard. He looked like he really enjoyed the experience of it, and when it was time to go, he cried- not the temper tantrum kind of cry, but a “you just ripped me away from my puppy” kind of cry. It was sad! I can’t wait to get him back over there to play on it some more.

I also have tried again with crayons with him. Before he was more about putting a couple dots on the paper and then sucking on the crayons, but today he actually drew! He’s never done that before! Well, scribble, I guess, but I teared up, I loved it so much. He used different colors and it almost looked like storm clouds over the ocean. I just never thought I’d get so much joy out of watching my kid explore and be creative. It gives me a different perspective on how God must see us, and beam with pride and love when He watches us use the gifts he’s given us, and create and explore and make the world a more beautiful place. I can’t wait to see what gifts Miles has and how he uses them.

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